I didn’t have to go looking for Rob’s story. Despite how it may look, something isn’t working. I share Rob’s story with you because his experience is not unusual. The day after Thatcher’s death, Andy called the office to tell us that Rob had written notes to his parents and a birthday card to Andy, then gone to the seafront where he and his brothers and sister used to play as children, and hanged himself.
Indeed, gay culture seemed to celebrate partying as a central tenet of our identity and Rob was smiling and laughing in the sexy Facebook pictures of him out clubbing, surrounded by friends. Lots of gay men, like straight people, drank a lot and took drugs. Together these things sound like a huge alarm bell, but spread across years they didn’t feel like an emergency lots of gay men, like straight people, had transient relationships.
He had lost his job and moved back in with his parents. He had suffered a homophobic attack after getting off a bus. In May 2008, I was working more closely with Andy, and I asked after Rob from time to time.
